


Everything I Didn't Say

by steverogerstrash (theyvegotthisspellonme)



Series: Good Morning, Steve and Bucky [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Letters, M/M, this is kinda sad tbh, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 22:10:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15228972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyvegotthisspellonme/pseuds/steverogerstrash
Summary: Steve interacts with the most important people in his life through letters





	Everything I Didn't Say

**Author's Note:**

> I did write this this morning, but the archive was super slow and I didn't have time to post it before I left for work 
> 
> Prompt: letters

_1944_

Steve ran his fingers over the paper again, tears pricking in his eyes. The letter, the last one that Bucky had sent him, was full of thinly veiled references to all the things they couldn’t, or wouldn’t, say to each other before Bucky left. Steve almost wishes he hadn’t sent it at all, or he would if he weren’t so selfish. Bucky would tell him off for that, say that Steve is one of the most generous, selfless people he knows, but Steve knows better. Everything he’s done, he did for Bucky. At least until he went to war.

After Bucky left, the only thing Steve could think about was how to get him back, whether that meant bringing Bucky home or Steve going to the front himself. He could imagine the face Bucky would make when he said that and almost laughs because of it. A door opening behind him interrupts his thoughts.

“Hello, Steve.” Peggy Carter’s cool voice drifts across the room.

“Agent Carter.” He greets, starting to stand. She shakes her head, then glances at the bottle sitting on the table in front of Steve.

“It’s… it doesn’t work. Cells regenerate too fast.” Steve tells her, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. By the look on her face, he doesn’t quite succeed. “I should have… I don’t know. I should have done _anything_.”

“Steve. Your friend chose to follow you, yes?” Peggy asks, barely giving Steve time to nod before she continues. “Then give him the honor of that choice. I sure that many would make the same one.”

“That... does not make me feel better.” Steve tells her, but he almost laughs.

_2013_

They - SHIELD - told him that they found some of his things in a box in an old SSR storage facility. Things that Peggy Carter must have collected when Steve put the Valkyrie in the ice. Steve wants to thank her, but he can’t bring himself to go see her. Not like this.

The box is mostly full of papers, photographs and newspapers and letters. All of his letters from Bucky when he shipped out. But Bucky had trouble putting his feelings on paper. Steve knew how that felt, he had trouble expressing his feelings out loud, had always been more comfortable putting them into a drawing or a letter or something he could touch - and rip up, if need be.

With that in mind, he starts rummaging through desk drawers, figuring that Stark must have left a pad of paper somewhere in this, well, Stark called it an apartment, but it’s bigger than any place Steve’s ever lived. He pours his heart out to Peggy on paper, then goes back and reads it again, makes it better. When he’s done, he pulls on his shoes to go talk to her, clutching the letter like it’ll protect him from all the bad in the world.

_2016_

The only thing that’s out of place in Barnes’ apartment is a stack of papers resting on the middle of the table. He knows that the man was here, with his blond hair and too blue eyes, and Bucky can’t understand why he left, but he must have left these. Barnes pushes his hair away from his face with one hand, resting the other on the table next to the papers.

The first page is a primer of sorts, confirming that they were, in fact, left there by Captain America, and giving him some context - the letters were mostly written by him, with whatever responses Rogers could find or remember. The second page starts the letters.

As he reads, memories start to trickle back in, almost painful in how vivid they are. A group of men, laughing in the back of a truck as it rumbles through the woods. Charcoal-stained fingers running through a mess of hair that looked almost like cornsilk. Bucky reads, and he remembers.

 


End file.
